Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
