The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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