You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
