there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
