I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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