why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
