you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
do herpes really smell.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
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