In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
