I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
