I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
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