Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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