Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
