so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
