So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
