she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
