Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
