Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
nutella sex= disaster
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
