Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
