On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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