Already got asked if we're dating
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
