GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
