I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
