She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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