If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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