I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
