So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
