Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
My ass is underappreciated
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
