oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
