whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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