You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
