Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
