fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Who died my cat blue again?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
