we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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