I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Randomize
