On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
