my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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