As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
There r osticjed everywhere
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
