Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
