i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
