Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I'm like, not good at living.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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