In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
