Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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