Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
