You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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