i need an iv and a liver transplant
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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