you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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