I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
