I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
