We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
