So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
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