i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
