if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
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