I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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